i miss you
POSTED AT 01:00 AM

natanna

And so he asked me why I missed kayell.

I guess I miss...

the college peeps
lex. ziggie. rowen. solo. becca. jasmine. dih. shawn. lings. edwin.

the church peeps
julian. jayne. yarn. fayz.

the jammin' (and aborted song writing)
ed. jc. honyau. rayz. lex

the hanging places
om's. mali's. brj. mrj. hostel. jr. jj. bk. alexis. danau.

the ibridgers
pg. sim. debs. and now ben.

the unclassifiable stuff
bry. cf. christmas night. af. 1800. sandwiches and peaches party. midnight walks. cg. hostel grounds in the moonlight. ym. randomness.

I guess it's a lot about the people I met there, though a few aren't there anymore, and holding on to friendships made and relationships built. I realise I wasn't much into church people. They had their cliques, and I had mine, and I guess we never really gelled.

But I think what I miss most about kayell, is the person that I change into when I am there. The bright, chipper, outgoing, confident, friendly, capable person that I am when I am on my own. The ability to go randomly crazy with people I trust. The weightlessness of knowing that no one knows who I am or where I come from.

And yet I can only wish to bring that home to where I am.

I wonder why.

POSTED AT 11:41 PM

natanna

 

Unfolding
Pink rose buds
Charmed
By your naivete

I forget
What it was I wished
To say
As the pages clicked by

So maybe I
Need more distraction as the days pass
Because I start
Writing unrhymed, unrhythmed, crazy poetry like this

---

Do you see the symmetry?

---

Maybe sometimes it's better to let go than to wish.

Reading: The General's Daughter
Listening to: air1.com

confuzzlement
POSTED AT 06:22 PM

natanna

• i never learn do i?
• i need need need need need need NEED to start writing. Very badly
• it's embarrassing
  
• but it isn't necessarily a bad thing
• pride or humility?
• addiction
• umbrellas and light stands
• summer fling
• so why would you tell me that?
• chop chop or no chop chop
• discipline and tenacity
• crushing
• uncertainty
• is it who i am or what i do?
• ice
• yet if it is a gift that needs to be used, why should i hold back from fear of pride?

sadly, i don't like the first album any better.

bated breath?
POSTED AT 10:32 PM

natanna

So day one's pictures are up. In FB. Well, technically day one and two, if you consider the travelling day part of it.

Picture of the day? Maybe this. =)

Or this. Hehe.

On music, I had been listening to a really cringe-worthy CD I had no idea why I bought (maybe because it was cheap and second-hand) so I decided it wouldn't kill my ears any bit more to take another listen to the dust-gathering Sand album, DREAMS.

And you know what?

I think I actually like it now.

Haha.

A bit.

Reading: Belarus - Lee Hogan

she...
POSTED AT 04:14 PM

natanna

... is back in Penang

... is waiting for the comp to come back from the workshop

... has lots of photos to look through

... hasn't unpacked yet

... doesn't feel like doing anything

... has lotsa lotsa lotsa lotsa books

... doesn't want to go to work

... is wondering what her laptop password is again...

... wants more holidays

... is thinking jakarta in september

... is a wee bit suntanned

... doesn't want to reply emails. haha.

... really needs to clean her room (laugh, yong may, laugh)

... is grateful for mr woo's awesome map reading skills

... misses the cold winds

... is suddenly thinking of danielle and jochebelle. sweet!

... is running out of things to say

... is listening to her mom tell people that she's single

... is wishing daddy happy father's day!

poof
POSTED AT 12:40 PM

natanna

but i am as changeable as the wind

and my decisions now have changed, and yet, they are based on the same conviction

where i would flee, i have stayed

and maybe it's a settlement in the heart

to do and get done

convictions of where i am meant to be, who i am meant to be

though it means i might not be able to chase things i thought i wanted

like when i was waiting on peejay

or when i was thinking of aus

but i am here

*away*
POSTED AT 11:19 PM

natanna

Just in case
I don't have time to post
Anymore
Or forget to:

I am travelling!

The dates:
8 June - KL stopover
10 June - Flies. Heathrow.
19 June - Touchdown. KL.

Anticipate. Okay?

Photo credits: Teoh Puey Guan, stolen as usual without permission.
Click for more.

(at least you get free publicity)

Feeling: excited