woohoo!!!
POSTED AT 12:03 AM

natanna

Guess what? I'm FREE!!!
Yeah. Today's paper ended at noon... relief... it was an okay paper.
Em. Got my car taken to the mechanic's (finally). So I'm car-less.
Well anyway, after lunch, we (me + wai yi + eileen) went to MidValley. I finished a book there (yeah!) and I bought facedown (Matt Redman). Was considering Relient K... uh. Dunno lar.
Had Kenny Rodgers for dinner...
and Trixie lent me BenHur!
Aaah...
Holidays.
May be going to KLCC tomorrow. Hehe... Kinokuniya and Canaanland beckons!!
Argh. Got big fat pimple on my back.
Ergh. printer not working properly

to fill in time...
POSTED AT 01:37 PM

natanna

I semi-cleared my room this morning. Kept all my study texts, and took out all my stories and other books. Planning on bringing home some of these books since I accumulated a few more since coming here, and will probably accumulate more soon. Hehe.
Started on a few chapters of Ben-Hur, washed clothes, and have been reading Foundation 0 on the comp. Yeah. Feel so relaxed. Today's playlist (so far) has been facedown, open up the gates, rain down and now rockepella christmas. Yeah. And I changed my bedsheets.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because Trixie said she's going to KLCC at one o'clock and will call me when she's going to go but she hasn't called me yet. I think she's still asleep because when I miss-called her she didn't miss-call back. Ergh. Getting hungry. Hostel canteen doesn't sound appetizing. I miss my car.
Was thinking about the book I read yesterday. The Fifth Ring by some Mitchell something-or-other. After a while, a lot of these fantasy stories have similar elements.
A coveted ring / possession that gives magical powers. Someone trying to take over the world (it's pinky and the brain... haha). An inherently good person, normally a young teen (usually male), that has the responsibility to save the world. The bad guys are usually terribly disgusting and repulsive.
If I'm ever going to write a fantasy novel (and I wish I could), I'm gonna be wanting to break out of those stereotypes. But it's hard, you know.
Having a girl hero would be impractical (at points) and highly feminist. I'd probably make my bad guy an angel of light or something (which is SO Lucifer), and then have problems pulling off the deceptions and making it known that this-one-is-the-bad-guy-lar.
Argh. I'm weak on organisation and structure.
Whatever.

oh happy days...
POSTED AT 05:42 PM

natanna

I didn't go to KLCC... but I got my CAR BACK!! Yeah!
Apparently the petrol tank was really filthy. They changed the filter, and cleaned out the pump. And changed my windscreen wipers, and fixed the alarm.
Cloudy today. Wonder what I shall do later... shall I go shopping?
Haha.. so unlike me.
Reading: Foundation 0 ; Ben-Hur

I'M HERE AGAIN
POSTED AT 11:15 PM

natanna

This is my THIRD update today (you can tell I've nothing better to do). But I love my comp, and I love blogging.
Anyway, I went out for dinner with Ivan and Wai Yi. Turning out to the main road (from the hostel road), this wira turned in before we turned out (right of way mah) and we were like... "eh, that's Andrew." Was wondering, tomorrow's Friday. Tomorrow's MI day. He's so free today meh? Anyway, (ah, said it again) we went to KFC at Alpha Angle.
And guess what?
There was an MPH book fair. Was SO happy I didn't buy anything yesterday! Or not I wouldn't have been able to get anything today. Bought 3 books for a total of only RM24. RM24 is usually what one book (Malaysian print, most probably) costs. An imported book (or books by foreign writers) usually are between RM30 - RM50 plus. Especially those writer books I want. Ish.
Chiu Yen said, "andrew sounds like you... in a 'written' sense..." when I was chatting to her. I gave her the link to his site. She said he's her fave in the competition. I think he could still be better. Which is why I didn't bother to join. Too many critics in the air.
Ahaha. Anyway at dinner, I messaged Joanne and mentioned seeing Andrew driving in, visiting her? She said yeah, he thought he saw me too. *blink* Didn't know he still remembered what I look like.
Rowen's slowly going mad (so he says) because of our CF camp (no one! no money!) and his accounts exam tomorrow ("I hate accounts!")
ANYWAY (for the fourth time or so) I'm wondering what to do. Should I read Ben-Hur? Or finish off Foundation 0(Isaac Asimov)? Or should I sleep? Or start on the new books I bought? Decisions...
And for the fifth anyway, I'd really like to know why everybody's blog gets so quiet during their hols. I mean, they're out DOING stuff... and all that, can't spare a few minutes in the morning before they go out or at night before they sleep to just give a few paragraphs of greeting? Sigh. I have a whole long list of blogs to surf that are just NOT being updated as frequently as visit. Which is every day. Given up on some, really.
I think I blog more during exams and hols. Haha. So sue me. I'm the online freak who blogs for distraction.
PEOPLE, WHERE ARE YOU?! TALK TO ME!
Feeling: distracted

Yesterday
POSTED AT 11:04 AM

natanna

I actually reached back at about 11 plus, but went to Trixie's room till late. So anyways...
The morning routine seems to be this:
8.00am - wake up, and see that it's too early, go back to sleep.
8.30am - wake up again, decide to start reading [currently on Ben-Hur]
9.00am - listen to Wai Yi's alarm go off over and over again while reading.
10.00am (around there) - decide to turn on computer and start moving. Wash up too.
11.00am - start snacking on biscuits and thinking about lunch
12.00noon or later - finally get off the computer and start looking for lunch.
So yesterday, we were supposed to have CoUZ dance team practice at 2.30pm. We made it to PJ on time, had lunch (which made us late) and appeared at the church at 2.40pm to find that Sharon forgot to tell us that they cancelled practice. (And I just chatted with her on Thursday morning!! Sigh)
So we went to Salvation warehouse... and I bought my Ronnie Freeman for only RM18!! Whoohoo!! Happynya.
After that we went to KLCC, and popped by at Canaanland. I saw three different Bebo Norman albums but didn't buy la. Must control sikit. Maybe after hols Have to ask Josh's opinion first loh... as to which one should be more worth it. Haha...
I actually shopped yesterday. Wandered into Kino, but didn't really feel like browsing yet, so I did my usual shopping thing (when I have the mood). Want to know how Anna shops?
First, find a starting point (in this case, it was from Kino). Then start walking and looking at shops until some shop looks interesting. Enter shop. If something looks interesting, look at the price. If the price is too interesting, move on.
Bought a RM19.90 3/4 sleeve tee.
After that, the shopping mood left, so I went back to Kino and read half of Treasure Box by Orson Scott Card. While I was reading, heard two angmohs talking about Dune.
After KLCC, I was actually thinking of just staying at the cell house to watch Malaysian Idol, but no... Wai Yi wants to go back first (45 minutes you know) but (as I expected) that STUPID junction was jammed and we had to wait for the traffic lights I think 3 times!! So we were late going back for Malaysian Idol, and as things turned out...
we missed ANDREW singing!! Sigh.
Oh well.

nightly update
POSTED AT 11:08 PM

natanna

Em. I did what I did yesterday.
Hahaha... enough?
Went to KLCC with Trixie and her roommated, Sunny. I don't know how you spell that. Sun-nie. Sunny. San Nee. Sun Nee. Whatever.
This time I went to Times and read TWO books. One was [forgot title] by some Lee Su Kim, or something. It was basically about Manglish and bla.
Then I read The Pen Commandments by Steve Frank. Nice book. Cost RM70-something.
Reading: Ben-Hur
Listening to: *fan spinning*

zzzzzzZZZZZZzzzz
POSTED AT 12:09 AM

natanna

Today: Church. Practice. Dinner. Malaysian Idol. Online.
Sigh.

You know what? I was just thinking this strange thought. "Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!" or even "Independence! Independence! Independence!" doesn't sound even half as nice as "Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!". Or even half as majestic.
Even though I hate BM as a subject in school (or college) I have to admit that the language is extremely melodious, poetical and majestic. Even though I struggle speaking in my own national language, I find it nice to hear. Except maybe the bahasa pasar variant that I just can't catch. May was saying that BM worship songs are SO powerful and meaningful. In a way, yes, because the language is majestic and expressive; sometimes even more so than English. And there's also the factor of it being the "lesser known" tongue to us. We have to concentrate on the meaning of the words (because we're not so fluent in BM).

I would write more, but I'm falling asleep. Both my bed and Ben-Hur is calling. Haha. I'm not thinking straight. Am I making sense?

17 days...
POSTED AT 11:12 AM

natanna

A new countdown begins!! Yeah!
Our practicals are to learn this accounting software FACT. Boring. Bleh.

It's already Tuesday and I go home on Saturday. The house beckons. But the comp is not internet connected. Sigh. Have to think about what clothes I want to bring back, what books I want to bring back. A lot of unread books in my room here, and I doubt it would be good to leave them here unread and then get utterly bored at home. Heh. Especially if there is no internet. *Will miss blogging*
Aaarrgghh...
Ok, let's not think about the future yet.
I have to pay my internet bill, but am feeling to lazy to walk all the way to the net office. Blah.
I'm lazy.
You know that, don't you?

praise God from whom all blessings flow...
POSTED AT 06:28 PM

natanna

I prayed it would not rain, and it merely thundered.

Been trying to pray for CF camp. Don't really know what to pray for. Trying to pray for people to come. For money to appear. For God to show Himself. Don't know if I'm praying for the wrong things with the wrong motives. I DO want to see God move in the camp. But is it because I want a camp?
[an aside: got pins and needles again]
Things are messy, and Rowen's not telling me anything. I don't know if he's telling others what's going on, but I'm just... quite clueless. What I know I know from the meetings, and from what Joanne says (from her conversations with Rowen).
People say prayer works. Prayer is effective. But sometimes, I doubt.
Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief.

On other matters, I wrote a rather dumb 900 word story during practicals (I was bored) and came back to my computer and it wasn't in my diskette. I know I saved it, so it's probably on the C drive. Help. Hahaha.
Cats have decided to like me. Yesterday at lunch, a cat sat and stared at Doreen and me while we were eating our chicken rice. Today at lunch, another cat stared at us while we were eating our tomyam and nasi goreng pattaya.
Ish. Cats.
Am hungry already.
Reading: breakfast at tiffany's [truman capote]
Listening to: in your presence [jeremy camp]
Feeling: hungry

reflective ramble
POSTED AT 10:38 AM

natanna

They were talking about people again; this time about a classmate of theirs, my ex-classmate back in Penang. I wonder how they know so much about him. I was in the same class as him for nearly 2 years and know next to nothing of him – except that he’s smart and hardworking. Studious. He was a nice guy. Really. But they talked about him as if he was the dullest person on earth.
I wonder if their knowing so much about people and my knowing so little is a fault of mine, or a fallacy of theirs. I leave people’s lives as theirs, and whilst I want to know more about my own friends, not every one I meet counts as a friend whose life I can pry into. They talk of people they see (and what they do) as if they know them personally. They can identify almost every couple on the hostel grounds as if it matters. It doesn’t matter to me. They wonder that I don’t know what they’re talking about half the time.
We’ve been drifting, not that we’ve ever been that close. Sometimes I want to talk about it. I want to know if it’s only me falling into my own introverted tendencies. Maybe I feel a drifting when there is none. Too sensitive altogether. Maybe I’ve kept all too much to myself.
But I can’t talk when I can’t.
I can’t help it that I prefer my books and computer over wandering the pasar malam. I can’t help it that I prefer browsing bookshops and CD racks to trying on clothes. I find chatting online to old friends (and some newer) more companionable than talking to them. What is wrong with me?
It’s hard to be close to people you have little in common with. Is the friction of my own doing?

15 days!
POSTED AT 09:48 AM

natanna

Erm. Tabulas was down last night. *grin*
Yeah. The lecturer told us "you won't be able to finish this today" when we got started on the assignment at 3pm yesterday. Guess what? Both Doreen and I finished it! Muahahahha...
Will be going to the lab in about 15 mins time to get it printed out, and passed up. Yeah. Happiness. This means: no boring 4 hour lab today! Yeah!!!
We ate in this place called OM Fruits Juice yesterday. Nice thai food, SUPERB mango juice! Will be going back there more often. Heh. (Thank you, Fay Cheng!)
Mamaked at 10.30pm yesterday, and half-froze myself with a chocolate blended. Yum.
Wonder what I shall do today. I thought MidValley, Fay Cheng suggested 1 Utama / Ikea. Hmmmmmm.
See first la. After lunch decide.
Feeling: hyper!

ah. *grinz*
POSTED AT 11:14 PM

natanna

Managed to finish off the whole assignment by about 11 something, but waited around for Doreen to finish printing hers. Had a long lunch, handed in my camp form and fees (finally).
Somewhere around 3pm I went to KLCC -> Kinokuniya and read I, Robot by Isaac Asimov. Still wanna watch the show. The book itself was a compilation of short stories (all interrelated) but I kind of assumed that the show was about R. Daneel Olivaw. Finished the book at about 6.15pm and went home. Went out for dinner, and then followed Wai Yi, Eileen, Guat Tin and another girl (forgot name) to the pasar malam. Hai. Anyway, I bought sweets, so it was okay.
Tomorrow... I'll have to figure a way to lug myself and bag(s) to the LRT station, and off to Asia Jaya station, and then to SIB. I haven't packed yet. Will do so after this. Packing. Sigh.
Dance practice will be on... and then Pillow Talk!
"Bring your pillows and let them talk!" ~ Fay Cheng.

You know what? I'll be leaving KL as a young, crazy teenager and when I return, I'll have left teenagehood behind me!
Another year has passed (or is about to). I'm growing OLDer. Hitting the big TWO-Oh. In one year, I can vote. Muahahahahahahaha... not like I like politics oso. Ish.
My comp at home is net connected! Yay. Can still blog every day!

SAND is launching its SECOND album this weekend. Hopefully I can go on Sunday for the concert/launch thingy. Hopefully it sounds much better than the first one.
Hai. That AF thingy on Latte@8 postponed AGAIN to Sept 29th now... so really cannot go.
Ah. camp camp camp camp camp camp....
torchbearer

argh. I NEED to go pack.
buh byes.
See you all on Saturday!! *grinz*
Reading: heartlight [t.a. barron]
Listening to: voice of truth [casting crowns]

Notoriety (how ever you spell it)
POSTED AT 02:57 PM

natanna

Yesterday, Yoshua appeared in SIB at out CoUZ dance meet to see Sharon and Esther. I recognised him, having met him before (PhYW camp at PD Y2K, SU leader thingy in Penang, etc.) and due to him being one of the looked-up-to-seniors on the PhYW. He recognised me, but forgot my name. Anyway, my mum called, distracted me and when I came back, he was like, "so finally I meet the notorious Anna Tan who started an uproar among the youth pastors in KL."
[wah... feeling famous dy]
I suppose if I'd written it while back in Penang and named some Penang church, the whole of (Christian) Penang would be after me because a lot of them know me and my father. Or have at least heard of me. MGSCF and TARCCF has lots of people from different churches, you know. And there was SOP.
[popular, kononnya. bleh]
After he'd left, I explained a little of what he mentioned to Sharon, who was curious, and one of the girls, Melissa, was like, "oh so you're Anna." She's one of the youth leaders in FGAKL (oops). Seems my not-so-innocent letter was circulated to them for them to 'take note' or something.
Seemingly there were some fingers pointed as SIB because I mentioned it too and she helped defend SIB. What one person says cannot be imputed to the whole church, and if they had actually read properly, I was also somewhat uncomfortable with SIB's long-haired guys.
[Another aside: AF will never be on our church stage - David Gary has long hair. Sigh. ]

Pastors are really interesting...
if you didn't know that before. Sat in the car with my dad (Ps Albert, for those who don't know) and another pastor. Waaaahhhh... all the long stories came out. Heh.
It's amazing that an introvert can be a successful pastor. Make that... can be a successful leader. Gives me comfort, in some ways, to learn that I'm not the only one who keeps analysing stuff, especially myself, and to know that our personality is NO BARRIER to what GOD can do in our lives!
Yeah.
I want a bath. I want to sleep.
Am listening to SAND - Dreams... (yay I don't need to buy... my dad already has one! Hahahahahha)
I figure that Lucy L's songs aren't really my style. But this album is better than the first! Mastered by Nick of Sonique Productions... I suppose that's Nick Lee?
Listening to: turning around [ SAND - Dan Chan ]

law of attraction...
POSTED AT 06:27 PM

natanna

today: went church, went yuin's, watch movie, talk.

Been thinking (darn)
Wanting to write (lazy)
Am blogging (habit)
Want to read (sleepy)
Bah. Home doesn't really feel like home anymore. Don't have my full cupboard of clothes to slowly choose from (ish... so many dresses left here), don't have my computer with all my saved half-finished stories, don't have my luver-ly comforter... and my bro stole my bed. Hai. And I miss my car.
Feeling old in youth. Just feeling old. 12 days more! Waaaaahhh... Heh.
Home is like a strange kind of familiar holiday where you're comfortable, and yet not quite, because half your heart has been given away. KL's already become a part of me, except maybe the food. Blah food. And the roads. The hostel room seems more familiar than my sister's room (which I'm using because she's in Australia, and my bro stole my room. Hmph!). I miss the mobility of driving my dirty little kancil around. (Note to self: go for that RM5 car wash lar duh.) Most of my friends are gone. I met Yuin-Y today. I'm going to kick Tim when I see him for not turning up at youth yesterday. Josh is in USA, Fran in Singapore. Saw new faces in church, and started wondering if they think I'm the newcomer. It's been... 4, nearing 5 months.
Things change. They're familiar, yet strange. The same, yet different. Maybe I've changed.

SAND and supper [delayed]
POSTED AT 11:21 AM

natanna

Ah, yesterday. SAND was... a (not-so-) beautiful let down. No live band! Argh. Bleh. Actually, it was okay lar. But I still prefer AF's concerts [biased, ain't I?]
I was expecting a live band, with them singing and stuff, and I get dances and people singing to the sound track. Oh well. You can't always get what you expect, can you? Maybe next time. Ish. And they sounded nice at that concert thingy with Patrick Leong when they played live.
Went for supper after SAND... wanted to berlepak and cakap with Shari, but ended up at a table full of guys.
Anyways, Nikki? Out of MI? Ish stupid Malaysian voters... now I have to start voting. Should I? ahhaha... I'm not a good critic of music... I just like a lot of stuff.
Finished reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye in one day. Pretty good book, pretty sensible and all that. Not at all extremist. Some of the stuff I was thinking about too. Heh.

Serious?
A passing question recently has been this: Are you serious about being serious about God? Are you ready and willing to commit?
Being ready to commit doesn't necessarily mean you are willing to. Or that you are serious about it. Sometimes feeling that you are willing to doesn't mean that you are ready to. Does that make sense?
We all have to grow to a stage where activity in church becomes something more than a habit, or a meeting place with friends. It becomes a commitment. There comes a time where you have to start evaluating your life and activities and cut off those which are not beneficial, no matter how harmless they may seem. There comes a time when you outgrow your little emotionalisms and desire for something more, something real.
With this new desire and maturity, there must come change. There must come an actual doing and obeying of God's work - which is where the crunch comes.
You may want to change, you may desire to be more like God. But are you willing to take up your cross and follow Him? Are you willing to give up your time (time = commitment = love) in your already busy schedule for Him?
I may be willing, but some times the flesh still says no.

b.o.r.e.d. but not quite
POSTED AT 05:41 PM

natanna

I just watched The Matriach I and II. I have 3 books to finish reading (taking my time about it). But what I really wanna do is... go watch a movie! It's dying HOT it my house! Argh...
I can't log in to Lycos for some weird reason. I spent half the morning doing an online jigsaw. Heh. My internet is weird... it can suddenly decide not to load pages. Still can't load Kevan's guestbook to sign it. Oh well... will try again later. Wishing I had my car... can wander off somewhere like Gurney and sit in MPH. Haha.. I know, I'm quite a boring person.
May be going out with Wen Ping (and other CF ppl?) tomorrow. Yay. Argh. All my kawan kawan from Tg Bunga with cars not around. Josh... Fran... Ish Ish Ish. Hahahahhahaha
Butterfly Effect with Tim and Cheryl on Friday.
Erm. Need to fill schedule a bit more or I'll be just reading the whole hols. Hehe... or online-ing... which is not really a bad idea, is it?
Ahahahahha...
Dum dee dum.. time to wander off.

9 days...
POSTED AT 10:08 PM

natanna

Went out. Benedict cut his hair short. Ahahahaha...
Oh yeah. I walked into the metal thingy my mum put at the bottom of the kitchen door and hurt myself. Sigh.
Joss was asking why I stopped writing by the fireplace. Frankly, I don't really know. I suppose first of all, I wanted to 'settle' in to KL. Then I got a little busy, with the Drunk Before Dawn thing and with CF camp. And I did write a few, but after that, with that FGAKL thingy I started becoming more wary. More careful. More scared? Maybe next sem.
Mum says there's some big uproar in Youth 2 about blogging... and how it hurts people. But the letter I read today was dealing with someone making up stories about another. I dunno.
Bah, whutever.
Listening to: switchfoot

8 days...
POSTED AT 06:26 PM

natanna

Bah. This is turning into movie week. Watched Man On Fire, which was about a bodyguard fellow called Creasy... and how he's supposed to protect this Mexican-American girl called Pita. And she's kidnapped... and he goes on a rampage trying to get revenge because she was supposedly killed when the paying thingy (keep forgetting words today) was messed up.
Good points: Creasy was turning to God to fix up his messed up life - showed him reading Bible and stuff - but very Catholic, with all the saints and things. He got Pita's mom (forgot her name) to start reading the Bible too.
Bad points: very voilent... all the revenge was very bloody. Hahah...
Someone called me from a KL house number while I was in the movie. Wonder who. Hahaha...
Whatever.
I still can't log into lycos. Sigh. Hmm... me is going to play with daddy's digicam.

oooh... 6
POSTED AT 04:08 PM

natanna

As you can tell, I'm running out of titles. Hahaha...
Watched Wicker Park with Tim and Cheryl yesterday. Was a little confused at first.. but it's pretty cool. Ergh. Could just HATE that Alex girl, and pity poor Luke. What's there to pity about Matthew? Stupid guy was so confused and irresolute AND engaged.
And my computer (or my mums', really) is being weird by being really jammy... and I'm wondering why on earth she needs BOTH Norton AND Avast. It's weird because I'm typing halfway and then I have to stop and wait for the letters to appear. Haha. Ooh. Me thinks me'll do a book review for the next post - just finished reading In His Steps. But next post lar. Maybe later today when I get bored(er) than I am now. Haha... still reading Charles Dickens - taking ages to finish (because I'm reading all these other books in between) - and Virgil together. I should somehow decide to read one book at a time. Maybe I'll learn to be less... less... distracted then.
Have you figured out that I'm a very distracted person? Heh. Especially when I go sugar-high, and being sugar-high has nothing to do with my sugar intake, if you want to know.
Reading: A Child's History of England [dickens]
Listening to: Caedmon's Call

after a long silence...
POSTED AT 06:13 PM

natanna

2 days ain't that long, is it?
Hahaha...
If you want to know, I borrowed new books from the PSC library, and so I've been sufficiently distracted.
Andrew's still in MI! Hahahaha... was expecting him to be kicked out dy since everyone said that he was terrible on Friday (didn't watch... was at the cineplex). Talking about shows, Monk is a terribly fascinating TV series. Wonder if anyone watches? My bro's trying to get me to see NCIS too... Considering that my aunt has the whole set of Season 2 of 24 DVDs, what's the probability that she has the DVD/VCDs of the whole season of Monk?
Watched Shanghai Knights. Funny. Em. Yeah anyways, been thinking entirely too much, and that will show itself soon when I get round to the point of all my thinking. Distracting myself with books doesn't really help all that much because my brain's still my brain even when I'm reading. But all this thinking has to do with some decisions I need to make about my life, and I guess it's good. But it'll only be good if all that hard thinking exhibits itself in actual doing. So I guess, that thinking will stay silent until I've reached the point that I actually feel comfortable sharing it, and doing it.
Hah.
Round the bush again. Anyways. My dad's laptop keyboard is irritating me.

for the fireBRANDS
forgive me for not allowing you to grow in my mind
for remembering you as a child
for regarding only your silly ways
forgive me for not letting you grow in your own way
for setting you the standards I hold
for myself
forgive me for not realising (and sometimes not wanting to)
that each of you grows in your own special way
and maybe what I expect is not who you are
forgive me for not acknowledging
that you are capable of much
that you have grown much
even as I have in Him
forgive me for taking so long to realise
that you've matured
that you do love Him
even as I do
eventhough you show it in different ways
forgive me for not being able to let go of the past

you have truly matured much, and i see in all of you, the same things i saw in all of us.
Reading: the robots of dawn [isaac asimov]

Book Review: In His Steps
POSTED AT 07:13 PM

natanna

Written in 1984 by Charles M. Sheldon, a Kansas pastor, In His Steps follows the lives of various members of the First Church of Raymond as they pledge not to attempt anything without first asking the question "what would Jesus do?"
This decision revolutionises the lives of Reverend Henry Maxwell and the other pledge takers, such as Rachel Winslow who turns down a singing contract to minister to the poor through song, Rollin Page who finds Christ through Rachel's ministry, Edward Norman the editor who drastically changes his newspapers' content at the risk of closing down and Alexander Powers the railroad superintendent who gives up his position and social standing to expose fraud that has come to his knowledge.
The movement slowly spreads, not just in the congregation of the First Church, but across state lines to Chicago and off the pages of the book into the lives of many Christians around the world.
Having spawned the WWJD movement in the last decade, the 20-year-old book does not seem to have lost any of its impact. Despite the fazing out of the WWJD fad, In His Steps continues to challenge every reader (at least this one) to consider how different life can be if it were truly lived out in accordance to Christ's teaching.
As Mahatma Gandhi once said, "If all Christians acted like Christ, the whole world would be Christian."

POSTED AT 11:36 AM

natanna

Ergh. You know what? I always have things that I want to blog about when I'm offline, but when I come online, I forget them all. Ish. Stupid brain. What to do? It's turning twenty soon! Hahaha... As Trixie said, I won't be a teenie Squirty anymore.
Have been playing Inspector Parker, Diamond Mine / Bejewelled and Rocket Launch online to waste time. It's not that I'm bored. It's that I'm finding ways to fill time. And its fun too. Besides that, finally finished off the Dickens book.
Do you know that Dickens wasn't a Christian (in the true sense of the word)? He believed that Jesus in some way was the Son of God, but didn't believe in the virgin birth. His final words in his short 'article' The Life of Our Lord sums up his beliefs:

It is Christianity TO DO GOOD always - even to those who do evil to us. It is Christianity to love our neighbour as ourself, and to do to all men as we would have them Do to us. It is Christianity to be gentle, merciful, and forgiving, and to keep those qualities quiet in our own hearts, and never make a boast of them, or of our prayers or of our love of God, but always to shew that we love Him by humbly trying to do right in everthing. If we do this, and remember the life and lessons of Our Lord Jesus Christ, and try to act up to them, we may confidently HOPE that God will forgive us our sins and mistakes, and enable us to live and die in Peace.

Nothing about atonement of sins, but rather a good works kind of philosophy, which isn't really that far off the mark (he still believes in Jesus), but still somewhat off it.
Currently reading Chin Peng's My Side of History. Did you know that he first became involved in Communism at the age of 15? And that age 15 was according to the Chinese calendar. Chronological age puts him at only 13. Imagine: at 13, barely entering teenagehood, he had firm convictions and beliefs and was willing to really live it out at the risk of his life. Our youths to day act as convictionless at 17 as they do at 13. Or maybe that's just my perception.
Sigh.
Reading: My Side of History [Chin Peng]
Listening to: This Fragile Breath. Todd Agnew. I think.
Feeling: thoughtful

tomorrow.. tomorrow..
POSTED AT 12:07 PM

natanna

Had a pre-b'day celebration with Elizabeth's yesterday at Faces, organised by Wen Ping and others. List of attendees: Jeremiah, OP, David Khor, me, Wai Yi, Wen Ping, Kenny, Eli, EeWei (sp?), Ben and Eunice Lim. Have yet to open my prezzie!
Oh yeah. Happy Birthday, Varsha and Elizabeth!
After dinner, they were playing pool... and we were talking... and then we went to Starbucks at Gurney. Came home to a blackout but power came back after I washed my face. Heh.
Regretted not bringing the camera. Sigh. Stupidnya.
Bought the 9.15am bus back to KL on Sat. Soon... so soon... but apparently not soon enough! Haha... Rowen's like "come back on Thurs... we need to do stuff for camp." Too bad. Me is staying. Should have told my WAY earlier, and anyway, I already said that I'm not going back to KL til the 25th. Have dinner tomorrow with whole mummy's side cos of my grandma's b'day celebrations (following the Chinese calendar) which is fine with me, cos it'll be free nice dinner more than I'd bother to ask for my own b'day anyways.
Hm. MPH having member's sale end of Sept to beginning Oct. Next Friday may bring me to MPH MidValley.
Toodles.
Been writing too much with nothing really substantial, but there are so many things I want to say, but I'm not sure if I should write here. How private is a blog, and how much of your life do you reveal? Apparently revealing too little has not been my failing, but revealing too shallowly has been. Always the question: How deep should one be in public? I have a feeling I'll be reviving by the fireplace for the sole reason of bla-ing my spiritual struggles in a not-so-public way.

happy birthday to me!
POSTED AT 09:51 AM

natanna

Heh. As Trixie put it so sweetly, I'm no more a teenie squirty! But as my mum reminds me, I only came out at 9pm (and she was trying to enjoy her dinner)... so yeah. Whatever.
Had secret recipe cheesecake for supper yesterday to celebrate. Bought a writer's book worth RM69.90 on 20% discount. Nyehehehe... The nice thing about birthdays. Get to get dad to buy stuff for me...
Spent last night quite sleepless, thinking about a lot of things. Who I am. Where I'm going. Some of the stuff I wrote down, some of the stuff I decided to just sleep on (because I'd switched the lights on and off too many times).
The direction for this year seems to be more on my writing. It's as if with the starting of this blog and fictionpress sometime last year and me leaving the d2 team behind, everything is coming to a point where the only thing I am seriously passionate about at this point of time is just writing. Drama still exists as a part of me (as seen in the SIB DBD musical) but I'm still trying to figure out whether it's really something I want to really press into. My introverted nature seems at odds with the public life of acting, and I'm not too sure if it really fits. Maybe I'll just be the excited audience and critical scriptwriter. I don't know. Or maybe I'll find another way that I really fit into on the stage. For now, I've realised that I'm better at scripted acting rather than spontaneous, unscripted, solely-blocking kind of thing. I need something to follow. Am currently involved in CoUZ dance, but I'm not too sure I'm really meant to dance. Still discovering. The dance conference last year made an impact, really, but it's like... it started me off somehow, but I still don't really know anything about dance. Sharon was asking at the last meet how come I don't really contribute anything. The thing is, I don't really know anything. And being to that one dance conference sort of helped me gain more confidence in dancing, but I still don't really know anything. I guess that's why I joined CoUZ dance. To really start learning something.
Back to writing, I like blogging. It just gets things off my mind. But there's a limit to just how much I can blog about. Some things are too private to be put public, but somehow they still need to be written out. I don't know.
This year's resolutions (the cell asked us to do) were to finish reading the story books in my room (unsuccessful so far, because I bought new ones. Heh), finish reading the Bible (yeah! On round 2, working towards 10 delicious RM10 Canaanland vouchers), get straight A's (won't know till next year) and either to finish a novel or get something published (not too sure which... have to check with my paper in KL).
Writing. Still haven't discovered my writing voice (if there's such a thing) but my strengths so far has been short stories and article type things.
Another project I've been toying with is to learn HTML (or find someone who knows and is willing to work with me) and do up a CF page for TARC combining all branches, so that there's more unity. As far as I know there's CFs in Penang, KL and Kampar. Starting from there, we'd get a centralised page talking about CFs and their role in the college. Then branch off into each CF in each campus specifying their goals (or whatever) for the year - maybe their theme/focus, times of meeting, contact information, maybe even the planned meetings for the month. A centralised calendar would be nice with major events marked out by campus (in diff colours?).
Bleh. I don't know.

I forgot!!
POSTED AT 04:55 PM

natanna

Happy birthday to me triplets - Nur Izlin and Deanny!!!
Muahahahahahahahaha...
Sorry, going crazy over camp.

quickie
POSTED AT 10:39 AM

natanna

Elo'z ppl.

Reached back in KL at about 3 something on Saturday, and was a little lazy to update. (What to say? I took the bus home.) Heh.
Sunday was busy as usual with DBD practices. Some woman (miggy? sure sounds like that) from SIB is working with Actors Studio! -starts getting ideas-
Rained really heavily yesterday. Taxis had a field day. Wanted to blog yesterday but the silly thing couldn't connect... must've been the crazy rain. Or something.
So.
Going for camp in about 40 mins... so... won't be back til Thurs!
And by the way, my car battery's flat.
See yah.
Listening to: christmas music!!

aahhh
POSTED AT 05:36 PM

natanna

Nice to be back.
Tired leh.
Still got to cari orang to revive my car. Ish ish.
Lazy now. Will blog later.
Brains quite scattered.
But camp was good.

cf camp...
POSTED AT 07:28 PM

natanna

Day One
Well, as the programme puts it quite interestingly, we gathered at the collage at 11.30am. The trip was okay, spent time talking with May and Jocelyn. [Wen Ping’s friend, Wei Ling, suddenly appears under a different name in UTAR and decides to join us for camp.] Had some tah-paued lunch (thanks Xavier and Jimmy!) and then rushed for the welcome and opening ceremony. Anyway, that was pretty brief. Met group leader Chee Sum and members Xavier, Jocelyn, Hui Chun and uh… me. (Heh. How do I meet me?) Yeah. Breaked to wash up and stuff, and I wrote these words:
5.30. It’s raining.
Crappiness starts early in camp.
That night, as Mr Wee couldn’t make it for camp (broke his glasses or something – hmm… sounds vaguely familiar) so Adeline had ice-breakers and then ex-TARCCF president Jimmy did a session. First impression: wah… why so many games one? Die lah like that.
Well, managed to enjoy myself despite the many many many games. Heh. After supper and some talking, just sat, writing.
Talked a while with Jocelyn, who I ended up sleeping next to.

Day Two
The theme for the day was leadership, and Pastor Tryphena really rubbed it in. Leadership is serving, loving and living. You are a leader… but is anyone following you? None of us are qualified, but we’re chosen by God’s grace and love. The thing to always remember is not to draw them to ourselves, but to draw them to the Father. I guess that’s what we (I) always forget. Not me, Lord but You. One of the main requirements of being a Christian leader is to have that intimate relationship with the Father.
It’s been drummed in so many times, yet it’s always the first thing we forget when we reach problems. Sad, right? But I really feel that these past few weeks, starting from the Encounter, things have just been falling into place. I’ve been praying more. Reading the Bible more. Getting more interested and excited in Him. And the past week, just reflecting and the camp have been like little nudges saying:
Hey look, I’ve given you such a big head start. All the tools are in your hands, so get cracking. I didn’t invest so much in you for nothing. Even now in college, start using it for Me.
I want to, yet I don’t want to, be active in CF. I mean, I want to. But practically, how? I’m probably not going to around all of sem 3. And even in year 2, the timetable will be different from the normal semesters. I guess we’ll just have to see where God leads.
We also did that personality test thing and I’m a C/S.
I am consistent and cooperative (yeah, right) with the primary drive to serve (erm…) and to do things right (you got that spot on!). My personal strength is my commitment to quality (quite true) and as part of a team, I help the group stay on track (well, sometimes). My greatest fears are surprises (so true!) and illogical thinking (maybe that’s why I get this really uncomfortable feeling when I just don’t understand something). But yeah, I fear the unknown and the undefined. It just bugs me.
Under stress, I get introspective and am worried by ‘what ifs’. If that’s only under stress, then I’m stressed most of the time. Ish. And I’m resistant to change. Err… Yeah. But only if I don’t get it, and if I don’t understand it (see, unknown and undefined).

Day Three
Focus: evangelism.
Duty: write testimony.
Anyway, who cares? We care. The thing is that we need to choose to care – it’s not like you can automatically care for people. It takes effort. (and Tryphena goes… learn Chinese… uh.)
And the other thing is that we love because He first loved us. And I don’t think it only applies to only loving God back, but loving people too. We were singing this old BM song, and part of it goes saya mau cinta Yesus. And it kind of struck me. I want to. Not that I can naturally, but I want to.
I think I’ve been a little too introspective the whole camp. Wrote about 6 pages of stuff, not counting my notes. But anyway, it was good.
Had this crazy treasure hunt thing at night… soooooo tiring… ah. After that, slumped in the meeting room kind of burnt out, but Solomon and Ji Aun were playing the guitar… mah go join and sing with them and Dorcus. Coolness. Oh yeah, if you think Andrew is cute, you’ll have palpitations looking at Ji Aun. Muahahahahahahahaha. Anyway, had fun just singing. They sing cool songs! Not just the Hillsongs and worship song stuff. Whoo hoo… (apparently Rowen doesn’t like Hillsongs…)
I slept early (sort of) at 12.30 or so in the morning. Heard most of them didn’t sleep till about 2am.

Day Four
Last day of camp… waahhhhhhhhhhhhh! *sniff* But I’ve met cool people. Yeah, everyone in camp was cool. Finished off my film. Hope everything comes out nice. Realised that the battery contact is a bit weak because the power comes and goes sometimes. Ish. What to do? 7 year old camera… eh wait. Got it for my 12th birthday… 8 year old camera!! Faithful camera… hahah… must keep one. 
Rowen and Solomon and Wai Yi were being extremely lame in the bus back. And Calvin… and Sui Li. Can’t wait for CF to start again. And CG.
Doodle dee dum.