Entries for January, 2005
January 1st, 2005
FIRST entry of 2005! POSTED AT 09:58 PM Duh, of course I'm going to church. Ok girl, it's a new year, you're supposed to put all this stuff behind you. FORGET THE FACT that the way some people ask questions are not the way that you would (and that some people don't think of connotations / insinuations the way you do). Okies, rant of the hour over. Rant of the day: internet did not connect FOR THE WHOLE DAY until about... uh... 9pm just now. Sigh. Baaaaddd Tres. On the good side, I finished another two chapters of Audit today. I'm gonna keep at Audit until maybe... Tuesday before I start FR cos I just don't have the mood for FR. And it's good to do things that you have the mood for, yah? Ookies. Another round of Audit starts in... 15 minutes.  Congratulate me for being productive. I'm usually not. 14 days to AUDIT 18 days to Financial Reporting 19 days to... holiday! *grinz* 1 talked!
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January 2nd, 2005
SONday POSTED AT 06:43 PM Inadvertantly, through chatting, I find myself admitting to myself that I would rather stay. Have been wondering if I should go over to Metro Tabernacle which is 5 mins away from my hostel (there, admit to the whole world your lack of commitment, won't you?) but then again... Bah, six months of commitment and whole loads of new friends. And that can't make me decide to stay. You know, I was kind of asking God "SHOW ME SOME TANGIBLE SIGN OF WHERE TO GO." And then *splat* it comes with today's sermon. And I'm thinking, "hey, that sounds like what I was writing about the other day - you know, time for growing - maybe I should stay. And then I'm chatting and *splat* maybe I should go for foundation classes. What's this? I've decided? I thought I'm not going to decide till next May? Oh well. Finally, a feeling of ownership. (It's that people thing again. Ask me and maybe I'll tell you. Most probably not. Haha.) K. Dinner calls. Feeling like a fireplace is coming. Check your e-mails soon. Or just watch this space. *winks* |
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January 4th, 2005
ups and downs POSTED AT 11:54 AM Woke up this morning at around 10 am after a restless sleep dreaming that my bro was in some kind of NS camp. Turned on hand phone to get a message, of all people, from Ung Kiong. *Jaw drops, glass breaks* I mean, the last I remember of this guy was erm… standard four (1994). I remember mentioning UK stamps and he said no, I don’t want stamps from Ulu Kapit. Haha… he’s actually one of the relatively few people I remember from Sibu (as in my classmates, and not church mates). Let me list them – Ung Kiong, Alistair, Geraldine, Bernadine, Adeline, Eunice, Chu Chan (think she’s Abigail now), Teck Hoe (class bully), Sin Ling, Linda and uh… I think that’s it. *Waves at everyone I’ve mentioned if they pass by here* Is this God or what? Gosh, I’m gushing, but then again, it’s not every day that you talk to a very, very old classmate. Day has started, so should I. 11.24am One thing I found a little saddening about the conversation was when he mentioned that he became a Christian in form 3 after joining Boys Brigade. That was when he first came in contact with Christianity. I’m not saying that it’s bad news. What I’m thinking about was this memory that almost everyone in our primary school class professed to be Christians. Don’t remember if there were any Malays, but excluding them, I remember – not sure if I remember rightly, but I remember – that he was (supposedly) the only non-Christian. How then can the BBs be his first contact with Christianity? What happened to all the people around him in his class who were supposed to be Christ’s lights in the school? Well, okay, maybe in primary school religion and beliefs were never a factor. It just never came up. You just followed whatever religion your parents said they were and assumed that you were too. I think we’re just too insular. I think I’m too insular. You just never think of sharing to your classmates, eh? 12.08pm Today Did review of 2004 and resolutions in cell yesterday. Last year can only be described as a roller coaster of ups and downs. So can the brief space between yesterday and today. Yesterday morning was a definite up. Today (so far) is kind of a down, with a queasy stomach and bored stares at my FR notes and text. Class in 30 minutes. Ergh. updated rhema |
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January 5th, 2005
white as snow! POSTED AT 02:43 PM I went to Snow Wash today... and now I have a brand new, sparkling clean, ultra-white... Kancil! Hahah... Yes, it's finally washed (and vacuumed). And ouch, it cost me RM15. Ah, the price you pay for laziness. The guy practically gave me a demonstration of whether I want chemical wash (very white one!) or normal soap (see, still not very white). I looked at the board and it said car wash RM6, chemical wash RM20 and went "RM20 ah??" Then he said, "kereta kecil... RM15 la... dengan vacuum." Heh. Oh well. Beautifulness. Tutorial cancelled for today because there are no more tutorial questions for Audit. I'm supposed to be studying. I am. A little. Haha. 10 days to audit 14 days to FR 14 days to holidays. I'm watching ROTK extended on the afternoon of the 19th. Unless I go out. Haha. |
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January 6th, 2005
erm. something. POSTED AT 08:11 PM So I have RM1 in my wallet. Haha. You know what bugs me? The way all the lecturers and tutors talk as if all the papers are too super darned hard. I'm sure they're only doing it to scare us. Remember to start with the easy questions. Try to use only 45 minutes per question. If you can't, move on. By the third question you'll probably only use 30 minutes before you can't do. And the fourth probably only 15 minutes before you give up. Then you can use the extra time to work on the first two. Bah. Stop scaring me! Because I know I can do it! Hahaha. Jer is up Bah. I'm 10 minutes over time. Listening to: Famous Last Words [JoC] |
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January 7th, 2005
moods POSTED AT 01:10 PM Moods. Moods. Like Shari said... I also run on emotions! Moooooooodddssss... I think maybe I'm just hungry and sleepy and bored. Bah. You get restless from studying, yah? I was just thinking about friendship yesterday, and my conclusion is this: the quality of your friendship depends on the periods of silence as much as the periods of communication. Don't ask me exactly what I mean, because I don't exactly know, but I think what I'm trying to say is that... just because you talk with someone alot doesn't exactly show how close you are to that person, or how deep and strong your friendship is. Sometimes, too much talking actually shows a deep-seated unfamiliarity with your companion. You talk because you need to say something. Because the silences seem weird. And maybe that's what I mean - if you can't sit in silence with a friend, you probably aren't that close to start off with. Maybe that's what they mean when they say be still and know that He is God. If you can't be quiet with God, and moments of silence seem weird to you, and you feel that you must chatter endlessly in 'prayer' to Him, maybe you haven't really gotten to know Him yet. You don't know Him well enough to be comfortable in the silences. And don't think I'm talking about you as you, the reader. It's just a thing I tend to do, to talk about myself as a you and to talk about you as a you. And I guess I just mean generally everyone. But we takes effort. And I sounds awfully personal, so I guess I'll just stick with general you's. Confused yet? Confusion is just yet another mood. |
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January 7th, 2005
sugar high! POSTED AT 10:34 PM And then dinner at Shareezma's with sugary tea. sugarsugarsugarsugarsugarsugarsugar Buuuttt.... I managed to finish the last six chapters in my Audit syllabus! Whoo hoo!! (Okay, admittedly three of them were short chapters that were more descriptive and didn't require much extra understanding as they were related to earlier chapers.) Bah, this just means that I can start on my other text to make sure I remember the stuff and do past year papers and tutorials. And let's not talk about FR just yet. I feel sleepy every time I look at the book. Hahahaha... Radiance is in KL already! Heee... Okay, you can tell I'm still hyper. hyperhyperhyperhyperhyperhyperhyperhyperhyper Errrmm. Shall I go study FR? Naaaahhh. Leave that for later... Errmmmm... I dunno what to do now! Hyper, but not enough for FR. Getting a little tired of Audit at the moment. No other subject. Eeks. Oh well. Might as well go do some writing, eh? Or maybe... hm... do more Jer-ying. Haha. Oh no. I'm laughing out loud for no reason. sugarhypersugarhypersugarhypersugarhyper Ah, the joys of the last few months of irresponsibility before I turn 21 and have to be a responsible adult that doesn't go on sugar highs. How boring. |
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January 10th, 2005
the weekly offline blogs POSTED AT 11:14 PM It looks nice... but it's... different... ahhahahah 9 January 2005 If you can’t study, write. So here I am. I finished a chapter today (which is good because I usually don’t get much done on Sundays) and I was staring at the opening page of the following chapter but nothing seemed to be making much sense. I actually feel like sleeping right now, but I can’t. I have to go to Pauline’s place at 11.15pm tonight and surprise her for her birthday tomorrow. Hehe. So if you can’t study, and you can’t sleep, write. Haha. Went to the 8.30am service today. Heh. Had to wake up at like 6.30am, full of yawns and “but my bed is so comfy” feelings. But it was good. Argh. Sleepy. Church and lunch. Came back around 3 plus (I studied in the church canteen after lunch) took a short nap and then finished off chapter 9: man and then chapter 10: sin in Renewal Theology. Attempted to fill up membership form, but got stuck at the usual questions. 1) Present home address: what if I move next semester? 2) How long have you been a Christian: arrggh… do I count from kid? Or from baptism? Or from when? 3) My previous exposure to Christianity: uhh… “other.” Why is there no tick box for “I come from a Christian family”?? 4) Conversion Date: uh... would a year be good? 5) Where: Erm… hmm. Home? I think? 6) Previous church details: should I add in those 4 years in Sibu? 7) Date of water baptism: Argh… baptism cert back in Penang. Somewhere mid 1995? 8) Have you attended the following: a. New life: erm, I don’t think they normally offer that to PKs. b. 7 steps to freedom.. etc. etc,: nopes. c. Encounter weekend: uh… is it the same as the one I had in my old church? If yes, then yes. d. Membership tea: whoops e. A new believer’s course: see (a) f. A basic discipleship course: no g. A course on spiritual gifts: no h. Other: does Hillsong Conference count as “Christian Training”? Nah. Don’t think so. Am currently wondering if the media ministry of publication involves writing and editing and stuff. If it’s about publishing publishing (as in the techie printings and layouts and stuff) I would have no clue. Gah, it’s only 9pm… Maybe I should nap. 10 January 2005 I am selfish, I admit that. Selfish like a shellfish – which makes sense, because shellfish clam up everything. They keep to themselves. And keeping to themselves means not sharing. Hah. So I admit, I’m selfish. I’m selfish because I won’t ask them for dinner, even when I want company because I don’t want to spend time with them. So I ask other people who ask me where they are, and I answer vaguely: somewhere… in the hostel, I guess. Ergh. Sin – as defined by J. Rodman Williams in Renewal Theology 1 – is the spurning of God’s love and will. It starts with unbelief, which leads to pride, and to disobedience. (If I understand the whole chapter rightly, that is.) If God were to ask me today, “did you accept my love?” I would have to reply in all honesty that I don’t think I really truly have because if I had, I would be able to love my sisters in Christ, and which I am miserably failing right now because I am selfish. Selfishness and pride – what’s the difference? Watched my friend and her new found boyfriend (and housemate) taking pictures on her birthday. They were sweet, but definitely touchy. Maybe I’m jealous. But I was wondering, what do you do with touchy boyfriend pictures after (that is, if) you break up? Do you throw them away? Or do you keep them as remembrances? Or do you use them to blackmail your next boyfriend? I wouldn’t want such photos lying around haunting me. Someone could always blackmail me with them. Why go so fast? Why get all touchy and photo-y so quickly? What then, if it doesn’t last? Oh, but you’ll always want memories. God, help me. |
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January 11th, 2005
with all honesty, POSTED AT 08:44 PM 1) Am I a loner / anti-social? Why do you say that? 2) Am I strange / weird / eccentric? (and why) 3) Am I a nice / fun person to be with? 4) Am I the same person online and off? 5) Do you like my blog? Thank you! Listening to: silence Feeling: introspective |
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January 12th, 2005
sugary reflections POSTED AT 10:31 PM [edit] But anyway, today's progress was good. Remember I said I'd finished my audit text already? Well, I have a second text, and today I covered 10 chapters out of 21 of that second one. Yayness. Ah. I hope the exam goes well. Random reflections while at BK: 1) watching couples with kids, I wonder when it'll be MY turn to have a bf, get married and have a kid. Haha.. strange, when I have no clue what to do with kids. And I don't like them all that much 2) PDE (my uncle's co) has terrible internal controls! Hahaha 3) the problem with my career prospects would be my constant need of affirmation for the work I do. Ish. 4) am I hungry yet? What's for dinner? 5) I think I'm getting more girlish.. or woman-ish. I've been having clothes and shoes shopping impulses. Or maybe it's exam syndrome. But I shall save my money for my Jeremy Camp!! (Pleeaaase... let me find Restored soon) Okay, so to leave you with some sad reminders (and so you can remember me in prayer.. haha) 15th Jan (Sat) - Audit paper 19 Jan (Wed) - Financial Reporting paper (and I consumed 5 cups of soft drinks again) |
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January 13th, 2005
random info POSTED AT 11:15 AM |
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January 15th, 2005
more postdates POSTED AT 02:12 PM Something substantially missing from my list of resolutions this year, would be the resolve to be a nicer person this year. Yes, a nicer person. I don’t know how nicer would be defined or quantified, but yes, I want to be a nicer person this year – starting with learning not to complain on my blog. Haha. I’m sure all of you are sick of weird complaints (which don’t really make any sense because I’m NOT going to explain them to you anyway – unless you ask, and ask really really nicely. And even then, probably not.) So, in order to stop confusing all of you, I shall stop whining. Haha. And to make me feel better about myself too. Yes, be nice. Be nice. I am a nice person! Hahaha… Hmm. Do nice persons laugh evil laughs? Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha. NICE… hmm… N ot I rritated, C entred E quilibrium! Okay, am nuts. Nicely nutty, nuttily nice, and no, I’m not on sugar. Not yet, anyways. 1pm The cats are sleeping peacefully in the drain. How cute. 2.47pm 15 January 2005 One paper down, one more to go! Comments: well, I expect to pass, I hope to get an A (if the teachers are lenient enough) and let's not think about what happens if I fail. Haha. |
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January 16th, 2005
it's a small world after all... POSTED AT 12:32 AM People quite friendly this time. Maybe because we were early, and stayed on a little later. The last time we arrived late (I think they just started) and then had to rush off because the service ended late and I needed to catch the LRT. Met Ken, Jia Wern and Wee Liem. Radiance didn't gooooooo..... There was this girl. Nice girl. Name's Adeline. I was thinking, "familiar. Veeerrry familiar." Asked Yuin - is she from Penang? Yuin says, dunno. Later on Adeline asks me... "are you from Penang?" I go yeah. *thinks* "Are you from RGBC?" Gets shocked look. "You also ah?" "No, I'm from FGA... but I thought you looked familiar." (Where else to bump into familiar-yet-unfamiliar faces than the church right up the street from yours?) Then she goes... "so what school were you from?" "MGS." Stunned reaction. "Don't lie.. I'm from MGS too." *think think think gasp* Are you my sister's classmate? My sis is Deborah Tan? Gasp. "You're Anna Tan?! Wah... you're so grown up!" Little discussion on who and where and what... and she mentions her cousin Weng Hsi. And Anna goes *think think think gasp* - Adeline Looi? that... that... Looi something... who was the CF pres when I was in Form 1!! Haha... I think she signed my autograph book. But really couldn't remember her name till Yuin mentioned in the car "Soon Yee and Soon Hua" because I said, I think she's the CF pres before my sis. *light bulb* Soon Hua! Hahahhahahhahaha. It's a small world. But me thinks Angeline and Mary enjoyed themselves in ACTS. Yeah. ACTS rocks. Hahah. But SIB rocks better. Reading: extravagant worship! Listening to: the faaaaannnnn |
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January 16th, 2005
confuzzlement POSTED AT 09:22 PM It's been a GREAT weekend, and I'd like to somehow share it, but I'm at this point (time) of the day that I'm a little too lazy to think. Maybe tomorrow. I'm looking at my FR books, and feeling this wave of boredom and sleepiness. Help. Only 3 days more! Wahahah... but I'm thinking, since I've finished the text, I think I'll do my past years tomorrow, and see from there. If I get panicked then, I'll still have one full day before Wed. If I can handle it, well and good! Haha. I think we're watching Beauty and the Beast for cell tomorrow. Brains not working. Me doesn't know why. Erm. I can't remember if I've announced this here: I'm going back to Penang reaaaalll sooon! Tee hee. Feeling: sleepy |
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January 17th, 2005
extravagance revisited POSTED AT 12:49 AM in thoughts Break my heart again Pull aside the veil that blinds my heart Build my spirit up Build me up in You Come save the remnants of my soul (written Sunday, morning during worship) God is good, yah? (Traditional chorus: all the time) How do you put down in words thoughts that aren’t fully defined? I shall try. It started off with an audit exam which, like most papers go, went okay. Will have to wait for results to actually see if it was actually okay or not. Wasted time in that traditional I-just-finished-an-exam-paper mood of rejoicing, although I still have one paper left – but that’s only on Wednesday. Took the afternoon off, and went to Sunway Pyramid to meet up with Yuin-Y. Had a nice brief time talking before Angeline and Mary turned up. So, we had a little session of getting-to-know-you’s and eating and all that and some time just walking aimlessly. But before that, I’d picked up Extravagant Worship again as something to read during bored in-betweens, and I brought it along for the boring LRT ride. To think, since Hillsongs 02 to now, I’ve learnt so many things and forgotten them. The words were still banging around in my head, but somehow they’d gotten lost on the way to my spirit. And re-reading the book, it’s like hey girl, what happened to that I-wanna-be-big-for-God thing that you were so passionate about when you first came back? Remember when that was the only topic you were keen on? Remember when you, Francis and Josh shared at Prai outreach and fireBRANDS? How BIG is your God now? I like the part in the first chapter that says – KNOW YOUR WORTH. It goes: When you understand who you are in Christ, there is a rest that enters your soul which cannot co-exist with striving and struggling – it’s like trying to put dark and light in together. They cant’ co-exist. What you do does matter, but WHO YOU ARE MATTERS MORE. Darlene describes praise as an explosion of faith that allows you to run straight into the loving arms of Jesus. She talks about the shout of praise and faith that breaks down walls. Shout down the walls of fear and pride Praise down the walls of hate Sing out His love and faithfulness Live out His generous grace! (written Saturday, on the LRT) EXTRAVAGANT WORSHIP. I’d forgotten to be extravagant. I’d forgotten to NOT care. I’d walked right up to my walls and stopped. And forgotten, like everything else, that my God is BIGGER than those walls. Made me think of that green LIVE notebook-diary thing that I have. Live love Live life Live LOUD Extravagant Worship Me, to me: You gave that illustration of each person’s extravagance being something OVER what they normally are, and then you excuse yourself with your half-lifted hands. You forget (or ignore) the fact that by nature you are impulsive, and by nature you can be LOUD. Only, you are afraid of people’s opinions. But you weren’t to care, remember? Well, powerful worship. Sang songs I haven’t sung for so long, like Shout of the King and Reflector. There were only 3 songs… the other one... Rain Down? (Rain down on me, rain down on me, here in Your presence I am free…) Not too sure of the exact title, but I think that’s the right title lah. Only three songs for worship! And Ps Kenneth Chin talked about Power in the church being the evidence of God’s presence… the evidence of lives lived right with God. That things will be settled beautifully in His time. And PRAISE! (that caught my attention) Consistent praise, powerful praise, evidencing a changed life, having no time to put men down. And then People – dealing with problems. Favour with people because of Him – giving TIME to people and being a different KIND of people. Don’t hold on to the past! Ah, it was a message that went right *smack* to the heart, where all the other thingies about worship and extravagance were still being blended about. And today… something happened that is hard to explain, even if you know the story. I can’t say I know why it happened, or how it happened, but it has to be God who made it happen. And it feels good. Communication lines are more open now, and I believe it’s looking up! It’s been a happening weekend, and I’m wondering, is it because of some decisions I made that opened the way to make it happen? Is it just the right timing for God? Or is it that my spiritual life’s been taking an upturn since I started being more consistent? Or maybe everything? Like I said, half-defined thoughts are hard to capture, and my thoughts are still not sorted out, what with meeting again old friends, meeting new friends, exams, and… uh, you see, I was distracted for a moment, and I forgot what the ‘and’ was. Oh yeah, pondering SIB membership. If only the whole of the year could be this good! (And why not?) Wondering why God’s bringing all these old acquaintances back. Ung Kiong from Sibu, after 10 years of silence. Soon Hua, whom I barely remembered from MGSCF. Bryan Tan, with his thoughts on music. I even chatted with Adeline Kiew online, another old classmate from Sibu days. Started writing / chatting with Joel Chan. Wai Nyan – if you can count him an old acquaintance on the basis of a half-remembered camp (ooo, gigantic rhinoceros beetles) in some logging camp in Sarawak. Making new friends – starting to communicate with people from the YA forums (other than brief posts with my on-and-off readings of threads). Chatting with Ivan Cheong and Fay. Meeting Angeline, Ung Kiong’s sister. I have this deja-vu thing of being a little unable to explain some relationships. Like, how did you meet Edrian? “Uh… he’s my cousin’s friend. But we sort of just exchanged numbers on my blog and uh… met up.” And, so who brought you to ACTS? “Well, I came with Yuin, because she’s my best friend… and uh… I brought Angeline, because she’s my friend’s sister (nope, didn’t tell them that I’d only met her on that Sat for the first time) and Angeline brought her classmate, Mary. Something like that.” Still, one very weird old friendship to repair that I haven’t gotten round to. (No, I haven’t forgotten about it.) But it’s hard to start, I don’t know where to begin, and I haven’t taken that first step (that I told myself to do), which is to talk to my parents about it first. Oh well, will be home in a few days. A few more days won’t matter to a matter that has been around for a few years already. Membership. Is there a point signing up for membership when I will, in all probability, only be there for one more year? I am SO not planning to stay on in KL. I wanted to do it, but mum said, but it’s only one year! And I’m thinking, yeah hor. I’ll barely be doing anything before I’m saying my goodbyes. Will have to think harder on that one. Maybe the reason all these things are suddenly unfolding now is because I’m becoming more receptive to God. Things made beautiful in His time, like a book in progress. Sleep calls. Brain processes are slowing down. I’ll continue this another day, probably after exams. Maybe I’ll be more sorted out by then. My life is a ball of yarn after the cat got at it. Still tangled and full of knots, but slowly being wound up to perfection by the infinitely patient, miracle-working, knot-untying Saviour. |
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January 19th, 2005
FREE POSTED AT 12:51 PM Have a nice long post written in me notebook, but I'm too lazy now. For now, it's sufficient that you know that MY HOLIDAYS HAVE ARRIVED. Muahahahaha. Heading off to KLCC to get Veggie Rocks for my "kid" bro. Haha. Think I'll finish a book at Kino before coming back. Don't feel like Talipon-ing tonight - running short on cash and I'm not such a fan of bbq-steamboat anyways. Argh. I think Wai Yi wants to go though. Maybe (if I come back from KLCC, that is) I'll drop her there. Bah, but OM's Mango juice and tomyam sounds nice. What's for lunch? Feeling: hungry |
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January 20th, 2005
Redemption has stories to tell... POSTED AT 12:17 AM in thoughts The show, in my opinion, is another retelling of God's hope in the deepest dark. It tells the story of Man, and how what was once beautiful was cursed. Afraid and disgusted by his own ugliness, he hid himself. The cartoon could have just started with Belle, and focused only on the love bit, or - I don't know - changed the beginning. But I like the beginning, with the little stained-glass pictures, and the classic "Once upon a time..." It's a story of love, and how Man learnt to love again, to sacrifice, and to hope. There's this part near the end, where after the Beast refrained from killing Gaston, he turns and climbs to Belle. They reach, hold hands, and Gaston stabs the Beast in the back. He loses his hold and falls to his death, period. Just retribution? No other mention of this guy, who's been trumpetting himself as the best in the village. Instead, the story follows the poignant moments between the unlikely couple - one so beautiful, and one so ugly. He closes his eyes and dies. The last petal falls, and with it, the hopes of all the inhabitants of the castle. Belle weeps over what/who she finally realises that she loves. The classic tragic love ending. It is at this darkest moment that a pink bolt from the blue appears... the sky is filled with fireworks, and everything is transformed into it's former beauty - starting with the Prince-Beast. (It's interesting that he's never given a name.) It's a story of how, at the last moment, at the eleventh hour, miracles happen. It's the story of Man's redemption, although it doesn't mention God. But He is there because He's in every retelling of redemption and every story of love. I love Disney cartoons. Other things I love my dad's posts. They make me laugh. Haha. Bought ONE by Paul Colman Trio because Canaanland does NOT have Restored yet. Siiiiiggghhh. I want my Jeremy Camp!! *sniff* Ergh. Between just now and now, I've forgotten what I wanted to say. Anyways. Me's thinking of sleep. Haha. I have this to say about exams: I'm expecting to pass, hoping for A's. Other than that, it's OVER, so I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. |
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January 20th, 2005
mess POSTED AT 11:02 AM in |
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January 21st, 2005
laadeedaa POSTED AT 01:50 PM Just finished listening to Veggie Rocks. Cute. Room's a mess. I'm just moving my mess from one place to another. No free prizes for you to guess where I am now. Aahahahahahahaha. |
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January 22nd, 2005
POSTED AT 11:49 PM in thoughts Felt good to be back after so long. There were SO many new people, and I still have no idea who they are. Which is good. There is growth! Haha. I think I know... something like less than 50% now. *sniifff* Where are all my friends?? (Studying else where lah, stupid.) HENRY NEEDS A HAIRCUT. Coming back from SIB, with a long-haired Jaydon and earringed guys, I shouldn't be making a fuss, but then again, there I can't say anything. Here, it's a whole different matter. Maybe I'm just conservatively old-fashioned, but I like my guys earringless and short-haired. worship Worship, worship, worship. That controversial piece of... oh whatever. As a team, the skills are there. Still a little messy sometimes because of that what-are-the-chords problem. Judson and Ian have matured. But sometimes I have this feeling that some of the team are just playing for playing's sake. Because we need them. Was singing on stage after roughly 7 months, and I don't know if I'm ready for it yet. There's still this issue of pride and showmanship I'm still sorting through. I have thoughts I can't divulge I have words I can't express I have feelings I don't know how to describe I have You I needn't say a thing Listening to: GMB Feeling: messy |
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January 23rd, 2005
short POSTED AT 11:56 PM Haha. Finished 2 books today - 5 people you meet in heaven and some agatha christie book that i can't recall the title. feeling lazy, so am not proofing this post, and am not bothering with capitals. haha if i haven't been answering your buzzes, i'm either gaming, or my bro is. or i've left the computer on and disappeared somewhere while my precious erm.. downloads continue. ahhh, the pleasures of home, where there are no irritatingly buggy firewalls. |
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January 24th, 2005
(postdate) POSTED AT 12:10 PM in thoughts Emotions are good. Feelings are good. But we need to get beyond the feelings, into the realm of real faith. Being one normally dependent on feelings and moods to get things done, I realise how hard it is on your walk with God to be dependent on only your feelings. The moment you’re feeling a little down, or depressed, you feel so far away from God, and you feel as if God’s gone and disappeared somewhere. And the moment you start feeling this way, if you can’t get over that fact and start pushing to get back closer to God, you start getting bitter against Him. Janice said that you need to remember your past with Him to keep on pushing on. Yes, I agree with that. You need to remember His faithfulness and how He’s kept you so far. But sometimes, memories can be a stumbling block too – when you cling on to them so much that you don’t realise that God wants to do something new. You remember that He touched you in this and this ways before, and you’re waiting, and waiting for Him to do that again. You’re waiting so hard, that you miss it that God’s coming in a fresh new way, and then you get disappointed. There’s always that struggle between the past and the present. We can’t be caught living in the past, but it’s so easy to. But as the saying goes, those who forget the past are condemned to keep reliving it. There’s something inside that keeps crying for more. That we won’t just be satisfied with great music, and emotionally charged worship, but that we would be able to go deeper, to go on deeper into true relationship and to be able to say in full confidence that I know my God. And even when there is no more music, when there are no more words, and all you have is yourself, you can sit, contented, at His throne, with His melodies of praise in your heart. Listening to: Jeff Deyo - Light |
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January 25th, 2005
uh. POSTED AT 11:44 PM 1) playing warcraft 2) shopping 3) playing Kingdom of Loathing 4) reading 5) downloading music 6) not writing minutes, and other CF stuff *sigh* 1 I'm at Path of the Damned: Seige of Dalaran. Playing campaign, undead vs some mage people. It's really cool. They can turn my people in to sheep. The cute one was when they turned my Fryst Worm (or something like that) into a flying sheep. Hahahaha.. lawak. 2 Went to buy some "working clothes". Got a RM69 black skirt from Padini, a RM69 pair of shoes from Carlo Rino and a RM43.90 kurta thing from Reject Shop. Hahaha... I'm a spendthrift, but then again, how often do I ever shop for clothes? 3 Some dumb adventure type game I surfed into from Yuin's friend's site. Haha. Wondering how he put that status thingy on his web. 4 Started on a few pages of my Plato, and a few pages of Chekov's plays. Bought these books last year! I'm intending to finish them so that I don't have to bring them back to KL. 5 Judson introduced LimeWire to me. Any suggestions? 6 Anna, move your butt! You know what you're supposed to do... Argh. Home = Laziness. True? |
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January 26th, 2005
=] POSTED AT 04:13 PM as a favorite post
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January 26th, 2005
home POSTED AT 06:50 PM the good Free food, and nice cooking. Getting to order your favourite foods from your mum, which so happens to be your favourites because there's this way she makes it that's really nice (and the fact that you have no idea what its actual name is, so you can't order it elsewhere) Not having to do laundry. Playing Warcraft, because you have a lot of time, and the CD is just lying around collecting dust. Getting to download music (streamyx is wonderful) Waking up at 11am The piano. the bad Being lazy. Having to fight for the internet from your dad (who happens to be on a really, really long leave). Clogging up your computer with more files. Stopped reading (sounds funny? but YES that always happens the first few days I'm back!) Waking up at 11am Too busy playing warcraft and KoL to think oh well Went to church today because they were having a birthday lunch for Unc Keat Cheong and Aunty Cheng2. I mean, it's that, or stay at home and... eat maggi? Haha... Anyways, nice food, good food. Hahaha. It's scary. The church is trying to run my life - well, some of the people in church anyway. Sat down at the table with Pastor Heok Cheow (youth), Ps Chong Leang (worship/elder) and aunty Maria. First thing, Ps HC asks if Judson has asked me about March 11. Next thing, when aunty Maria finds out I'll be around til May, she says, "Good, you can do something for Easter." Then Ps CL says, "you can help out with the worship team." Then they start saying something about underutilizing and doing this and that, and I'm thinking, "aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhhh!!" Sounds like it's gonna be a very busy 3 months. Heh. Maybe I'll go learn some disappearing tactics like... like... uh. Oh well. I kinda want to anyways.  [argh, I have to usher for CoUZ... I hate ushering  ]
Reading: nothing Listening to: Relient K |
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January 28th, 2005
AWAY POSTED AT 08:10 AM Byez. |
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