THAT time again
POSTED AT 09:04 PM

natanna

It's October, and just about time to start making those Christmas lists. Sigh. Times like these, I wish that Christmas was just… never mind. The giving may be tiring… but the receiving’s still good. No take without give, eh?

If you want to get me a good Christmas gift, consider… a Dell coupon. Because the *wonderful* Dell laptop that the office gave me… kind of… doesn’t work that well. (Don’t ask me. Ask that *rolls eyes* IT guy)

Well anyway, I still say that buying people books are one of the simplest things in life. Why not consider an Amazon coupon then? I’m sure Starbucks coupons would be good for a look as well, right?

So anyway, CouponChief.com provides you with a one stop coupon deal and discount resource for you to obtain up-to-date coupon cods and promotional deals and discounts for all your online purchases.

Why not make shopping cheap and convenient?

 

HAIRSPRAY
POSTED AT 10:48 PM

natanna

We watched... Hairspray...

Listening to the soundtrack now...

It was. Interesting.

Then again, a musical on the screen... will naturally be much easier... than coordinating one on the stage. The linearity of the story itself will have to be so different.

---

I. Can't. Write.

I'm sorry.

I don't have the right frame of mind. The old story doesn't work. The new story doesn't move. The mind doesn't think. The heart doesn't feel.

Can we just call off the whole thing? Put it on hold indefinitely?

I don't think it will work if I can only write in short time spans of creativity, and you don't write at all. I don't think it will work because I still haven't figured out what I'm really doing this for.

I also don't think it will work because I don't know what I'm trying to say. And I don't think you know what you're trying to say either. 

---

Do you think I'm sliding into a rut of depression? I think I am. 

Listening to: Hairspray OST

busyness
POSTED AT 11:49 PM

natanna

I have been....

1) Working late.

2) Doing jigsaws on Face book

3) Attempting to write, but getting brain-block.

---

Just came back from the wake (memorial?) service for a former classmate's mom.

Sobering.

They say it's to pay your last respects to the dead.

We don't attend funerals for the dead, but for the living. It's not the dead that really matter. It's the living that we remember, and hope that our presence may bring them through the transition.  

Thinking of you. 

whoopsies
POSTED AT 12:39 AM

natanna

I meant to blog, I did, I did!

But Facebook is so addictive... and so is checking out 499 (and more) pictures from iBridge camp, courtesy of the oh-so-efficient Hwok Lok!  

So... if you're on face book, I've put up some of the pics...

If you're not... wait la until I get around to it.

Alrighties. I guess I won't be able to blah all the things I'm accumulating.

Good nighty then.

(I think I'm high) 

a blog.
POSTED AT 10:50 PM

natanna

I suppose if you had a summarised running commentary of the thoughts I have during the day, it would go something like this:

Hungry. Hungry hungry hungry. Bored. Argh, don't know how to do la. Hmm... Ehh... why my freecell keeps dying one? Hungry hungry. Yaaaawwwnnnn. I want to blog. Yaaawwwnnnn... I wish I could bum. Why am I working? Bored. Eh. Why time moves so slowly one?

I'm just not a very interesting person.

On other things, I'm somewhat depressed and upset. Let's not go there. *grumble grumble grumble*

I'm sleepy already, and I wanted to write about camp. I guess that will have to wait, as usual. But there is a need to write, if only to clear the stuffiness in my mind.

The other question that begs to be answered is: if you were once so sure, what happened?

Maybe I had it all wrong.

Sigh. 

community notice
POSTED AT 02:37 PM

natanna

Hey guys... my computer is looking forward (reluctantly) to a full reformat / reinstall / wipe out / kaput. Bummer.

So, make mental note to self: please give Anna all your links (blogs, sites, photo albums, etc) again. 

I'm expecting to lose at least 50% of the sites I visit because I can't remember URLs. I just click my bookmarks.

 

IB: Relationships
POSTED AT 12:02 AM

natanna

I realised again, as I've realised before, that I seem to have many more guy friends than I do girl friends. I realised again, as I've known before, that it's harder for me break into a friendship of girls than into a circle of guys. I guess it's the fact that girls tend to clique and bond, and encircle. And I just don't.

Girls tend to talk about clothes and hair, and shopping. Or people. They tend to remember stuff, "hey, we did and that..." But there - I'm generalising. But then again, there's always that feeling of alienness when I listen to a group of girls talk. As if I'm not one of them.  

They joked a lot about finding your partner in camp. I don't know. I liked when Alvin re-emphasised that it's not the main goal of i-bridge. It may happen along the way as you work together and communicate, but it should not be the main goal. Once you start looking that way, you get all sorts of shallow relationships.

I hardly think a serious relationship can result from a camp. It may spark something, yes, but will it carry on after that? 99% chance it won't. You'll go home, and forget, and get distracted about other things.  

But yes, friendships. Like-minded people. People whom you know are somewhat on the same track as you are - because they've come for the same thing you've come for. And yes, friendships I have found. And again, looking at the people I felt more bonding with - that would be more guys than girls.  

Am I plain weird? 

--- 

She was flirting with death; fey
As the orange-pink fingers of day
Crept silently up behind her
The darkness to smother

Silently she waited, blades in hand
The silent tones of the soft rock band
Background to her somber mood
The only thing she understood

A smile in the darkness, a tender
Touch on her cheek, the finger
That pointed her way now pointing back
A ways, she strained her neck

To see the direction, angelic; new
To places deserted, none or few
Have stepped before or dared to look
Beyond the pale, beyond the book

Shallow smiles, the frightened eyes
Of one who's said her last goodbyes
Swallows, breathes, closes again
And opens to face tomorrow's pain

office chairs
POSTED AT 11:46 PM

natanna

I don't know what it is about my chair in the office...

I mean, it's a perfectly normal chair. There are dozens of them in the office. It isn't even one of those swivel chairs with rollers. It's a plain, cushioned metal chair. Generic.

But for some strange reason, it keeps disappearing from my table at the office. Why?

I can't blog.
POSTED AT 10:34 PM

natanna

Today has just been one of those "blaaahhh" days.

Sigh

I have a love / hate relationship with my job.

Today I hate it.

Tomorrow maybe I'll love it.

I don't know.

As for now, I'll just preoccupy myself with more jigsaws on facebook. 

IB: supper!
POSTED AT 12:13 AM

natanna

Hwok Lok was in Penang... so we went for supper. Or rather, we went to Kapitan's for Wei Wenn to have dinner, and for us to sit around and drink. Drink as in drinks. Not drink.

So we had random conversations from church to BSF to durians to work to working shifts and so on.

---

I did say at camp that I would start writing. I did, I did, I did.

So I'm writing this here so you can remind me.

---

I wish there were more hours in a day. And less of them for work.  

those songs...
POSTED AT 12:16 AM in thoughts

natanna

I am a Charismatic, I am.

I think.

In some aspects.

Suddenly, (or gradually?) I'm beginning to get sick of modern "worship". You sing the same songs over and over and over again. It's quite formulaic. Verse one. Pre-chorus. Chorus. Verse two. Pre-chorus. Chorus. Verse one again. How many times do you want to sing this song? Repeat chorus. Bridge. Chorus. Repeat Chorus. And repeat. And repeat. And end.

Hymns hold their attraction, with deep meanings and wonderfully crafted words. (I'm a sucker for poetry and rhythm, I am.) All the same, they seem awfully long and monotonous at time.

I like... I don't know. A mixture. Hymns with choruses. Jazzed up old songs. 

I don't even know why I'm thinking this way. Worship should be more than the songs we sing, but sometimes it seems as if we need the right songs to get the right mood. And it shouldn't be that way.

Sometimes, I don't understand how I worship lead at all when at times I just feel like I don't understand worship. What does it mean to lead people in song? Frankly, it feels fake. Sometimes I wonder if I'm singing for the sake of singing.

It's just one of those things I don't understand.

But God is good. 

I don't know what I did, or how I did it.

Maybe I didn't do anything at all.

But He comes through.